I have had a good life, raised by the most loving parents, surrounding with
beautiful siblings. Even after I got married, family around me are precious. I
have a wonderful career, people love working with me, keep referring me to more
jobs, yes I have been doing very well.
There is only one problem, I know I am heading towards hell. in 2009 while
I was at peak of my career, suddenly I felt something was very wrong. I had so
much fear and anger within me everyday, I quarreled with everyone as soon as I
opened my eyes, I had no peace whatsoever. The pain is catching up with me like
scorching fire, I am going down the valley of death.
Last New Year, while everyone was celebrating the count down, waiting for
the New Year to arrive, I silently sat there saying good bye to this world and
to my family. Yes I have had a good life, but I wish not to go on like this
anymore. Something has to change, to end, to die. I want a new life, a life free
of fear and anger, a life of freedom, a life of love.
People say be careful what you wish for, because it may come true. Like
lotus growing out of slush, transformation takes time and courage. It takes
tears and trust. It needs the grace from the existence and love from the
guru.
I still remembered the first time I got on a bike by myself, the first day
to elementary school, junior high, high school and college. the first day I came
to US, the first job, baby, house. These all were beautiful, especially the
first time I met Sadhguru. He showed up as if it was a coincidence, but I know
it was not, because I have been crying out for help for many a year.
Today, like each morning, I wake up and go to work just like before, things
are even more hectic and out of controls as it has always been. However, there
is one difference. Fear and anger no longer control me, I have access to
the stillness from within where my guru resides. Life does not need to change
any more than it already is, I can enjoy life now, yes life is so
beautiful.
"Only a person is willing to die can live totally" Sadhguru
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