forgiveness

As I am awakening, a lot of sadness and memories arose from within, it is very painful, and I have to let them go, let love do the healing. I wrote this following letter to my son, also my daughter tonight:

as you were growing up, I was not quite ready to be a father. I was very much involved with my career, which was taking a toll on me, I did not know how to handle business, or stress. Therefore I was very intense, angry all the time. I have too much fear about life,  I did not see you growing up. I have fear in you that you will not be good enough to face life just like I did. that's why I pushed you hard, now you know. I thought what I did was Love, but I was wrong.

I slapped you once- I think, it was very inappropriate and I have this deep pain that will not go away. You hate me for this ever since. If I were to be a father again, I will be a much better father, much loving father, but I could not take back time nor can I redo the actions that I have taken. You have endured much because of me. Very sorry.

I am writing to you, because I am asking you to forgive me, also to let go of the pain in your heart, I will forgive myself, if you will forgive me. Please let me know if you have received my apology, thanks.

with much love,

dad

"It does not matter what kind of karma you gather in the past, this moment's karma is always in your hands"- Sadhguru